Frequently asked questions

We pair LGBTQ+ New Yorkers 50 and over with LGBTQ+ New Yorkers 18 to 30 for mentoring, in all five boroughs. Rêvasser, a New York clothing brand, runs it and pays for it. It's for two people who would probably never have met, getting to know each other over coffee or a walk.

Anyone LGBTQ+ in one of the two age groups:

• Mentors: 50 and over
• Mentees: 18 to 30

Come as you are, however you name yourself.

No. It's free to apply and free to take part.

Six months at least, and most pairs keep going after that. Getting to know someone takes time, and in mentoring research the matches that lasted longest did the most good.

Read the research →

Usually once or twice a month, but it's up to you both. Some pairs meet weekly for a while and monthly at other times. Your coordinator checks in to make sure the pace feels right.

Wherever you both like: a coffee shop, a park, a walk, a museum, a community space, lunch in your neighborhood. You both have to agree on the place, and either of you can turn one down without saying why.

Apply as a mentor (50 and over) or as a mentee (18 to 30). It takes about ten minutes, and a coordinator replies within two weeks.

1. A reply. A coordinator gets back to you within two weeks.
2. A short call. Fifteen minutes by phone or video, for your questions and to see if we're right for each other.
3. Orientation. If it's a fit, two hours, at a time we choose together.
4. Matching. Your coordinator picks your match by hand, from your application and your orientation.
5. Your first meeting. Your coordinator may come along or introduce you remotely. After that, it's the two of you.

From applying to that first meeting is usually four to six weeks.

Everyone gets the basics: how the program works, what a good mentoring relationship looks like, what to expect, what to do if something doesn't feel right, and time for questions.

For mentors: how to share your experience and leave the decisions to your mentee.

For mentees: how to get the most out of it, with every choice still yours.

That happens, and it's normal. Your coordinator checks in with you both regularly. If either of you feels it isn't right, say so and we'll find you someone else.

Usually not. A coordinator makes the match, from your application and your conversations with us, and that care is a big part of what we do. If you and a friend want to mentor each other, go ahead: you don't need us for that.

Tell your coordinator straight away, and you'll hear back quickly. Nobody gets in trouble for asking.

Out to everyone or to no one yet, you're welcome. Many mentees come to us while they work out who to tell, and many mentors have been there. We never publish anyone's name or photo unless they've said yes.

Yes. Only coordinators see your application, and we don't publish who's in the program. Community gatherings are just for people in the program and the coordinators, and we don't share photos or lists of who came unless the people in them have said yes.

We're a mentoring program, not a crisis service. If you or someone with you is in danger now, call 911.

• Anyone, at any age: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, around the clock.
• The Trevor Project, for LGBTQ+ young people, 24 hours a day: call 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678-678, or use TTY at 1-866-803-3699.

You're welcome to apply once things feel steadier. Mentoring can sit alongside care from a doctor or therapist, never in place of it.

A clothing brand in New York. It runs Generations Connect and pays for it out of its own budget. Taking part never means buying anything.

Not yet. Rêvasser runs it for now, and it may become its own 501(c)⁠(3) as it grows.

Rêvasser pays for the program's work, and volunteers give their time; mentors aren't paid. The most useful thing you can do right now is apply, or tell people about us.

Rêvasser's own site is www.revasser.nyc. Our About page explains how the program and the brand fit together.

We sit alongside the city's LGBTQ+ services and learn from their work. They're independent organizations:

• Hetrick-Martin Institute, Ali Forney Center, The Trevor Project — youth services and crisis support
• SAGE NYC — services for older people
• DOROT Intergenerational LGBTQ+ Affinity Group — older and younger people meeting to talk
• The LGBT Community Center, Out in Tech — the wider LGBTQ+ community in New York

If you're with an LGBTQ+ organization in New York and want to talk, write to [email protected].